{"product_id":"the-patsy-9798218765286","title":"The Patsy","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat if the timeline we're living in didn't always exist?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eIt's 1987. Wayne Bronson has been stuck in an underground\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003emilitary bunker for nineteen years. And he knows exactly\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ewho's to blame: John M-is-for-Mutherfucker Kennedy, as\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ethe Colonel likes to call him.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e(Wayne is well aware that Kennedy's middle initial was F.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eBut no one argues with the Colonel.)\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eDuring his second term, Kennedy triggered a nuclear war\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ethat wiped out most of the US population. It all stemmed\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003efrom a series of misunderstandings more egregious than a\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThree's Company episode.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eWayne's never seen Three's Company. It doesn't exist yet.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eNot in this timeline, anyway. But it will, in about a week-\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eif his mission is successful.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eHis mission? Take over the consciousness of Lee Harvey\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eOswald in 1963 and assassinate Kennedy-before Kennedy\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003edestroys the world.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cbr\u003e","brand":"Symmetrical Press","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":51720991506706,"sku":"9798218765286","price":11.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0831\/4771\/8930\/files\/img_60a54517-b84e-4745-a2e4-9223b06dd6ee.jpg?v=1762945000","url":"https:\/\/surprise-castle.myshopify.com\/products\/the-patsy-9798218765286","provider":"Surprise Castle","version":"1.0","type":"link"}