{"product_id":"jurassichrist-9781943720576","title":"Jurassichrist","description":"\u003cp\u003eIt's time for Jesus to attempt his second coming, but linear time progression doesn't apply to extra-spatial deities, so he ends up coming \"again\" long before the first time - the Jurassic period. Once he arrives, expecting to see a bunch of human beings who've been waiting for him for two millennial seasons, he is surprised to find himself in a weird civilization full of thunder lizards.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eJesus goes into Predator mode, arming himself to the teeth and slaughtering them wholesale, trying to find someone who's capable of nailing him to a cross so he can get back home, however, dinosaurs don't have thumbs. What they do have is the \"hum,\" a magical frequency capable of shaping the world. They have mythical metals. They have a sensible social contract. They have a bizarre, but seemingly decent civilization going.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eMammals however, are the most disgusting, rotten, violent things imaginable, and they seem to be evolving into something worse with the help of a little cosmic power. Something has been providing them with products that shouldn't be invented for another billion years or so, from the as-seen-on-tv catalog, and they're taking full advantage of it. Who is behind this forced evolution, and what could they stand to gain? Is heaven full of heroes, or gibbering lunatics?\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eIt's up to J.C. to set things right and stop the apocalypse and figure out whether the universe really should be run by a bunch of insane deities, or whether it's better to wipe out heaven and let them sort it all out themselves  Action, adventure, insanity and good ol' fashioned heresy \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cbr\u003e","brand":"Perpetual Motion Machine Publishing","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":50613568897298,"sku":"9781943720576","price":12.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0831\/4771\/8930\/files\/img_a1bb12c4-64a8-46ce-8646-863495c7c74f.jpg?v=1732408591","url":"https:\/\/surprise-castle.myshopify.com\/products\/jurassichrist-9781943720576","provider":"Surprise Castle","version":"1.0","type":"link"}