{"product_id":"how-to-successfully-kidnap-strangers-9781943720972","title":"How to Successfully Kidnap Strangers","description":"\u003cp\u003e1. Do not respond to bad reviews.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e2. If you must respond to bad reviews, please do not kidnap the reviewer.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e3. If you must kidnap the reviewer, do not kidnap him in a public area.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e4. If there are witnesses, do not also kidnap them.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e5. If you also kidnap the witnesses, consider quitting crystal meth.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e6. If you find yourself surrounded by hostages, purchase extra duct tape.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e7. Do not let the hostages take their own hostages.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e8. Invest in better coffee.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e9. Don't forget: dildo crucifixes have more than one use.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e10. And, most importantly: do not engage the severed heads in conversation.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cbr\u003e","brand":"Ghoulish Books","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":50692465557778,"sku":"9781943720972","price":10.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0831\/4771\/8930\/files\/img_5b68b226-0acb-4e72-a5fd-e7840ed9d582.jpg?v=1734124741","url":"https:\/\/surprise-castle.myshopify.com\/products\/how-to-successfully-kidnap-strangers-9781943720972","provider":"Surprise Castle","version":"1.0","type":"link"}