{"product_id":"have-a-dark-day-a-dear-cthulhu-collection-9781890096618","title":"Have A Dark Day: a Dear Cthulhu collection","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eThe very first collection of Dear Cthulhu columns as everyone's favorite monsters dishes advice and tried to help humanity in spite of itself, proving that Cthulhu's advice can brighten even a dark day \u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eDear Cthulhu, \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e My boyfriend \"Jim\" and I have been seeing each other for 4 months. Things have been going great. Jim tells me he loves me and I know I care for him a lot. Our making out has always been hot and heavy. Jim's a great kisser, but lately, Jim's been wanting to go beyond necking and petting. I'm just not sure I'm ready to give him my virginity. Jim says if I really love him I'll make love to him. My mother always told me if a guy truly loved me, he'll wait until I'm ready and not pressure me. My friends all think he's really hot and I should do him. I'm the only one of my girlfriends still a virgin, although I have one gay guy friend who still is. What should I do?\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e-Confused Virgin in Vermont\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eDear Confused, \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e Virginity is a sacred, beautiful thing and any man who would pressure you to destroy such a rare treasure is a cad you would be better off without. As for your so-called girlfriends, they sound like a bunch of twits. Remember, it is better to be a leader of men than a follower. The only one you should ever follow is of course Great Cthulhu. Speaking of which some followers... rather friends of mine are throwing a ritual sacrifice... um, I mean party shortly when the heavens align. How would you like to be the guest of honor? We would love to have you. Email me at virgins@dearcthulhu.com. And bring a dish to pass.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eDear Cthulhu, \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e I've slept with my Teddy every night since I was a little boy, even though my parents say I'm too old. I'm in kindergarten now. The other morning when I woke up, Teddy was gone. I looked everywhere but he disappeared. I think the monster in my closet ate Teddy, but Daddy says I'm wrong. Can you help me?\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e-Five in Freeport\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eDear Five, \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eYes, Cthulhu can help you. Your father is correct. The monster in your closet did not eat Teddy. It was the creature under your bed. And he is hungry again.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cbr\u003e","brand":"Padwolf Publishing","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":50433365868818,"sku":"9781890096618","price":9.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0831\/4771\/8930\/files\/img_41803645-ef0f-4e4e-9e3f-65d012dc3c9a.jpg?v=1729568875","url":"https:\/\/surprise-castle.myshopify.com\/products\/have-a-dark-day-a-dear-cthulhu-collection-9781890096618","provider":"Surprise Castle","version":"1.0","type":"link"}