{"product_id":"come-back-to-bed-9798985590661","title":"Come Back To Bed","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDear grouchy neighbor: \u003c\/strong\u003e I'm considering your offer and need clarification before proceeding. \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eDespite being an artist, I think you know that as a busy New Yorker, I am also practical and straightforward.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThat said, I need to make sure you know that this could never turn into anything serious. \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI don't care if you're trying to get over your ex-girlfriend or hoping she'll eventually want to get back together with you-just don't project your messy feelings about her onto me.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eBecause, despite your resemblance to an underwear model, I won't be falling for you. Ever.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eYours, with clear boundaries, \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eBernadette\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ep.s. I'd like to be very clear that regardless of whether or not we do this, nothing will change my feelings for your dog (and we both know she loves me too).\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDear nutty neighbor: \u003c\/strong\u003e As a lawyer, I must clarify that I never made an offer. \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eIt was a suggestion regarding the possibility of a non-permanent, no-strings-attached arrangement between two consenting adults whose beds are separated by a wall.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eAs a man who shares your disdain for messy feelings, I applaud your confidence in your ability to not fall for me. Hold on to that. \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI'd also like to make it clear that I don't care if you want to get over your crush on your boss or if you still hope he'll realize you're the woman of his dreams. \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThat said, I definitely wasn't thinking about my ex-girlfriend when I kissed you in the laundry room, and I'm quite sure you weren't thinking about your boss.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eAs a dog daddy, I'm glad you're so taken with my girl. But if you try to steal her I will get all Liam Neeson up in your pretty face.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eAs a busy New Yorker, I think clear boundaries are hot. \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI have one hour free to blow your mind tonight. \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eSo turn off Netflix, put down that glass of wine, and let's do this.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eYours for now, Matt\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cbr\u003e","brand":"Kayley Loring","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":52038875611410,"sku":"9798985590661","price":12.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0831\/4771\/8930\/files\/img_dba16aaa-1ddb-43c2-8dba-d86e2557453f.jpg?v=1771338500","url":"https:\/\/surprise-castle.myshopify.com\/products\/come-back-to-bed-9798985590661","provider":"Surprise Castle","version":"1.0","type":"link"}